It was cold in Chicago that Saturday evening. I had read the weather report for Sunday at DC and it said 70 and sunny. I didn't want to pack too much so I wore a lighter, comfy outfit to march in, but at that moment I was regretting it. Dan handed me my bags, loaded with entertainment for a 14 hour bus ride, gave me a kiss and wished me luck. As soon as I turned around I was approached by a man with a clipboard.
"Want to sign our petition for Jacob Meister?" I looked at him, at my arms of loaded stuff, and at the group of people already gathering.
"Um.....who?"
"He's running for office as an openly gay candidate."
"Oh okay!"
"...and he's giving everyone snack bags for the bus ride"
"Awesome! Then I guess I'll give you my real name!"
After I signed their paper I looked around for familiar faces. It felt like I was the new kid at a very fashionable school. The people I did know from JTI were crazy busy trying to keep things organized and I didn't want to get in their way. Finally I saw three people I had met at the poster making party. I had spent an hour with them there, surely they wouldn't mind me hanging out with them for 14 more?
After a little bit we found out we could get our bus assignments. Since we were freezing we wanted to get on a bus right away so we got in line for bus #1.

If you listen closely you hear future Rachel screaming "Noooooooooooooo!"

Finally all 53 of us were on and ready to go. We made jokes, laughed at porn, watched the first half of Season 1 of "Maude", etc. The energy and excitement filled the bus. We were going to witness history! Then we got on the highway......
"Um..is anyone else feeling that vibration?"
Soon the back of the bus was turned into one huge vibrator. Our feet were numb, our eyes were shaking, our ears were filled with the protests from the bus.

After a while we pulled into a rest area in the middle of Nowhere, Ohio. I saw our bus captain Matty immediately put on his game face as he approached the bus driver. There was a lot of pointing at the bus, serious nodding, and phone calls being made. None of us thought much of it, my focus was taking care of my angry bladder. I took off at a polite run yelling "Excuse me! My bladder doesn't DO bus bathrooms!!!" as I weaved in and out of people.
Once that emergency was averted I strolled into the food section of the rest area. Hardees was the only place open at midnight and I giggled as the surprised employees ran around trying to feed the 50 people in line. I am not a fan of Hardees (especially at those prices!) and decided to get snacks at the little shop around the corner. Two Tabasco Slim Jims, a bag of Pepperoni Pizza Combos, and a Coke later I found my little group and sat down.
Spirits were still high in Ohio so we spent the time joking, eating, and talking about the rest of the trip on our bus (officially labeled "The Vibrator"). We saw Matty and Missy running around a bunch, talking frantically on their phones. Then the rumors started flying from different people;
"They are sending a mechanic."
"They are sending another bus."
"They are sending a mechanic and then a bus."
"They are sending a new bus, but on the way home we have to stop here and get back on this bus and ride it the rest of the to Chicago."
"It should be fixed soon."
I decided to not believe anything until I heard directly from Missy or Matty. Instead we started playing Boggle. Our little group (Mariela, Farrin, Michael, & Jerry) soon expanded to MJ and Messina. After one game the 7 of us were laughing, swearing, and bonding. I decided to show my true colors so I was playing standing on a chair, ass in the air pointed at any poor soul that decided to visit Ohio, spewing out such classic one liners as "Wait.....we get to use school in this game?!"
More time passed.

Matty and Missy's updates became fewer and fewer. Their phone calls became more and more. Time past faster and faster.
Around 1 AM the group's attitude shifted. You were able to pick the realists from the hopeful. I was surprised to learn that I was a hopefulist. Messina and I did the math and tried to tell people that as long as we left in the next 3 hours we would be okay. Michael and Farrin told us that we weren't calculating the extra time it would take us to get through Pennsylvania due to the mountains. People started talking about heading back so that we could at least make it back in time for the Chicago Rally.

More time passed.




Finally the moment arrived. Missy and Matty had us circle up. I can't imagine how they felt as they stood in front of 51 faces, 51 faces that still had a slight glimmer of hope.
"We have called everywhere. Bus companies, van companies, car companies, everywhere. We can't get anything. Our bus company has a bus, but they can't find a driver. As of right now we are missing the March. It seems likely we are missing the rally afterwards."

The air left that spot in Ohio.

"I'm sorr-" Missy's voice cracked, the tears came. The weight of the world finally hit this woman. Every muscle in this mom wanted to hug her, but I knew my place. These members of JTIC were staying so strong for us even though the dream that they had worked on for so very, very long was slipping through their fingers. At that moment I loved and respected these people so much and I believe everyone else did too.


53 people had a decision to make. In the Devil's Waiting Room, Ohio 53 people decided that even though they will literally missing a once in a lifetime opportunity we were ALL going to stay upbeat. So you just got told you weren't going to DC, what are you going to do now?
Play Duck, Duck, Goose of course!

Thanks to Farrin for this AMAZING photo (I'm the one in red with a white hat)

Finally at 4 AM the new bus arrived. Matty and Missy had us vote on whether we would go home or try one desperate race to DC and hope for a miracle. The first vote was split right down the middle. I surprised myself by being one of the people that voted for DC. After the realists talked to the group many people changed their mind and voted for home.
The bus filled up and was as silent. I took a muscle relaxer and played my Nintendo in the dark. Finally I felt tired and settled in to get some of the sleep I desperately needed.
My eyes closed....
Well there you go. You have officially missed the March. You have to go home and tell everyone what happened. This was a major moment in history and you missed it.
My eyes shot open...
The bus was silent.
I closed my eyes again....
You got screwed. All of you did. Why did the bus company let this happen? You are going to hear all about the March on the internet and you didn't make it!
My eyes opened again and my fists clenched.
It all hit me. The anger, the despair......why did this happen to us?! I felt my face start to heat up, my eyes burned and my vision blurred. I wanted to punch the window, scream and swear.

But what good would it do me?

After my temper tantrum I would still be on a bus heading to Chicago. I would only get everyone else worked up, either mad about the situation or mad at me.
I stared out the window, watching the miles between DC and I expand. When I opened my eyes the sun was up and we were at a rest area in Indiana. We had to face the hardest task of the trip. Calling friends and family to tell them they we didn't make it. We had to say it out loud, making it truly real.

I fell asleep again.

When I woke we were just passing Gary, Indiana. I was in Hell.

Finally the Chicago skyline appeared. My heart sank. We were supposed to be here! We knew that right now the other 3 buses were seeing a completely different view, the right view. No one spoke for a while.


The bus finally pulled up at Union Station. People were talking about staying around for the Chicago rally. I looked at my thin clothes and the thick jackets people outside were wearing. There was no way I was going to last outside in Chicago without losing my nose and fingers. Besides, the muscle relaxer had kicked in. I was a zombie and the best I could do was wander into the station, moaning "Trrraaaaaaiiiiinnnnnsssss......."

I bought my ticket, ate a Cinnabon, boarded my train and fell asleep.

Dan and Diana picked me up from the station. Diana ran to me yelling "Mommy!!!!", Dan gave me a hug the way only a partner can, my brother Frank called and offered to buy me a burrito. It was nice. Once I got home though my hopeful mood had died and I just wanted to sleep.
The cloud stayed over my head into Monday morning. By then the rest of the buses were home and people were starting to post pictures, stories, videos.

I ignored them.

After my cup of coffee though I realized I was being a child. So what that I wasn't there! It doesn't make the March any less important. I wasn't going to DC for me, I was going for the LGBT community. I had made some AMAZING friends Saturday night and I couldn't just pout and give up. This trip, this journey, gave me actual faces to fight for, actual people that I wanted to see get their equal rights.

So how am I doing?

I'm good and I'm ready to continue the fight.