I sit here tired, drained, plain ol fashioned bushed.
My life has become that of a busy suburban mom, unbalanced wife, church student, Greek outsider, peace attempter, nervous niece, distant LGBTQ defender, party planner, etc.
Very slowly I am getting the hang of things.
Dan is worried about my energy level. He wants me to go in and get checked. I think I'm going to have to schedule that appointment.
I have neglected this blog horribly. I think I'm going to have to change it a little. I'll probably write once a week, at least until my body catches up with me. I'm also thinking about finally reviewing some of the things people have approached me with. I got rid of the Blogher ads so I have more freedom with that. My thought was that I would post reviews on Saturdays to kind of "warm me up" for my post for the next week.
Well I shouldn't say it like that. My blog hasn't become a burden, it's just become the expendable thing on my busy schedule. So I figured that I would resort to a blogging tactic that has had a high success rate for some of my other internet friends.
So drum roll please!

Welcome to the "Ask Rachel Anything!" week/month/for however long it takes....

Email me/comment me/tweet me/etc. whatever it is you wanted to know about me. I'll even answer the bitchy ones.....sarcastically of course. This way I will get back into the flow of writing, shake the rust off you know?

I look forward to hearing from you all!

I was going to write a long post about somethings I have been dealing with but instead I'll start your week with a Diana video;


Yes.
She's singing in Greek.
Awesomeness.

Frank walked in to see me squinting over a brochure.
"What's that?"
"My church does tithing. If we give them 10% of our yearly income we get something called 'God's Blessing'."
"Well that's not cheap....."
"I have a plan though."
"Oh really."
"Okay what I need you to do is go get a full time job...."
"Huh?"
"Let's say you earn $25,000...."
"Well I hoped that I would earn-"
"...and YOU pay the 10%, that's only $2,500!"
"But that would be ME buying God, so God would be covering ME."
"Well you live with us so he would be covering the HOUSE."
"But what about when I move out?"
"What about it?"
"Picture this; a box for my kitchen stuff, a box for my bedroom stuff-"
"And your God box?"
"Yep, the one with the big glowing ball in it."
"........"
"See this wouldn't work out."
"How about I trade you God for a pound of bacon?"
".....let me get back to you on that...."

I know that those of you following my facebook & twitter have seen a sudden flurry of church talk come from me.
Confusing I know.

Let me explain;
Diana is going to the local Greek Orthodox church for kindergarten. We made this decision for a number of reasons. 1) her birthday is on the cut off date for the state so she is the youngest in her class. This school is a full day and there is only 11 kids in her class. She is getting the one on one attention we want her to get. 2) Dan is Greek and wants to have Diana stay in touch with her heritage.

Now where does that put me in the church? Simply put, I'm joining.
Why;
1) I'm a spiritual person, but I never had any guidance. My parents didn't raise me in a church (though I am baptized) and the religion I have encountered has been so full of anger and hate that I was literally nauseated by it. But I realize that not all churches are like that.
When I went to brunch with Cleve Jones he said something that I found very interesting. He said that we can't write off the religious people against us just because we think they are wrong. We need to understand where their belief comes from.
So I started reading. What I have learned so far is that the Orthodox church is a community, a family, that believes deeply in love, love for church, love for god, love for community.
Do they believe in homosexuality?
No.
Do they preach against it and make signs to hold up at people's funerals?
No.
Do they base their entire church around it?
No
Will I engage some people in non-aggressive discussion?
Yes
Will I continue to be a straight ally?
Heck yes
There may come a day when Diana tells me that the church says that homosexuality is wrong. I will then sit her down and tell her that she doesn't have to believe that. It's not about my views against the church's and she gets stuck in the middle, I will show her the pieces in the religion that quotes love, being good to her fellow man, etc. I will tell her to follow the path of a loving God (which he is in this church) and that we will let him decide in the end which way was the better way to go.
A life spent with love or a life spent with hate?

2) I have had a hard year.
Between the infertility, having a mirror held up to how ugly I can be, other drama, etc, I have found myself searching for guidance. I need an extra brick in my foundation, that piece that helps me deal with the hard times. I keep going back to religion. I need something to keep me good, something to help me deal with the things I cannot control, something to give me comfort.
I am not depending on the church to fix my problems, I know that I have to be strong enough to do that. I'm just trying a different work out, one that lasts long term.

Will some of you understand this?
Maybe yes, maybe not.
But that's what makes the internet work for me, I can accept hugs and high fives and ignore the negativity.

I only hope that I explained myself clearly enough.

Just because I am joining a church does not mean I am becoming a conservative, it just means that I am not available on Sunday mornings for brunch.

Dear Diana,

You have made it to the big 5! And what a big girl you have become. You are so independent and confident but you always have time to give your parents a hug. It is so amazing to watch you develop your interests in music and cooking. You are just so beautiful inside and out.
As you spend more time away from us I hope that you remember all that we have taught you.


Don't let other's opinions bother you. You are wonderful, don't let anyone cause you to doubt yourself.

Be yourself, be unique. Others may tell you how they think you should behave, but you don't need to change for them.

Know that your parents will do anything for you. We may not do everything right, but when you need us we will be there.

Be compassionate. Help those that need help. It's just the right thing to do.

Love, love, love.


We love you more than anything in the world and I cannot wait for you to get home so we can celebrate your special day!
Love,
Mommy
You can read Diana's other birthday letters, here and here
(And yes I am aware that there should be 5 letters, but we were bad at it. Deal.)