Today I wake up the mother of a 6 year old. A 6 year old that can tie her shoes, swim the front crawl, read, sing in Greek, take a shower by herself, and put her laundry away.
I am blessed in ways I can't comprehend.
As I have done in years past, I am going to write her a letter for her special day.

Dear Diana,
You may not know this but the past year has been hard on your mother. There was one thing that really helped me get through everything.
You.
I was plagued with a lot of self doubt, but when I looked at you I knew that I had to be doing something right. Diana, you have become one of the most generous, sympathetic, and loving girls I have ever encountered. I can only hope that as you grow you are able to continue sharing your amazing heart.
What lessons can I teach you this birthday?
Don't fight humility. No one is perfect. I'm not, you're not, the first guy you fall in love with won't be either. There will be a day when you do something wrong and I want you to be able to handle the situation with grace.
Remember, big egos make small character.
Diana, you are an amazing girl that brightens every single person's day when you meet them. I know that you are going to make so many people happy and I know that deep down my life will better just by having you in it.
So let's celebrate your special day and many many many more!
We love you so very much Diana.
Love,
Mommy

This is a story of two women.
The first woman we will call Super Rachel. She isn't a superhero, she is a woman that wants to be able to do everything she decides she is going to do.
The second woman will be called Reality Rachel. She deals with planning and financing the things she wants to do in her life.
Recently these women decided to stop talking to each other.
The other day I sat down to plan all the exciting things that were happening during the next 30 days.

August 23rd- pay Diana's tuition
September 1st- Diana turns 6
September 11th- Diana's birthday party
September 25th- My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Super Rachel was very excited about everything. We were going to get Diana the best presents and throw her the coolest birthday party. My wedding was going to be creative and charming.
Then Reality Rachel tapped me on the shoulder and told me to look at our checkbook.

Crap.

There was no way we could pull all of this off. Super Rachel had to wave the clouds from her head and take off her rose colored glasses and accept her fate.
But what to sacrifice?
Let's be honest, there was only one thing that we could cut.
The Greek wedding.
Ouch.
Dan and I looked at each other, sighed, and agreed that we would do it after the baby was born. Naturally I am disappointed but I was able to find some silver lining.
A big sparkling one?
I won't be a blimp in my dress.

High five?

This week Dan and I will be celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary. Many times on this blog I have written about how Dan makes me laugh, how much I love him, etc. But during our marriage this past year one of his great traits has really stuck out.
His patience.
As some of you know my little corner of the internet caused some major problems with Dan's family last year. I had a mirror held in front of me and all I saw was how ugly I had become. I was truly humbled. Dan was of course mad but he also saw how hard I was rocked by this and decided that another person yelling at me wouldn't help in the long run.
Instead he waited.
For a time I just sat and tried to figure out how to basically take my self image rubble and rebuild it into the person I wanted to be, a person that would be a good role model for my child, a person that would make my husband proud that he was married to me.
During this Dan waited.
I read books by the Dalai Lama, meditated, worked out, even changed my diet. When I felt I had a good understanding on what caused me to take such a negative path I was ready to build my Rachel house brick by brick. By knowing what got me in a bad place I knew how to not only prevent me from going down there again, but I knew how to jump off the path if I somehow ended up back on it.
Dan still waited.
Later I decided to join a church that I felt would not only give me an opportunity to do some good but would also let me dive deeper into Dan's cultural background, giving me a better understanding of where his family comes from. I was able to put myself in their shoes.
After all of this I was able to come to my husband a better Rachel and a better wife. By waiting for me to go through this he let me find my own footing, take my own tumbles, and clean my own wounds. He didn't sit there and tell me how he wanted me to turn out, he had enough faith that I would find my own way. What good does it do me to follow his blueprint if the end result didn't work for me.
He let me be my own person, which let me be my best person. Dan knew that by having me be my best worked out better for him the end. I have more confidence, I laugh more, and I work hard at trying to have the best family we can have.
Now as we enter the 8th year of our marriage we are stronger, happier, more in love, and much better prepared for what is ahead for us (like a son!).
So thank you Dan.
Thank you for your patience.

We are halfway done...though it isn't going to feel like it since I found out so late. This month is all about preparation! We completely upgraded Diana's room, giving her a BIG girl bed and a more teenage appearance through out. Next we will begin working on the baby's room since we now know it's a BOY! (Excuse me while I squeal a little bit, I'm over the moon knowing that we got one of each) I have been doing a massive throw out of EVERYTHING. This is a big deal since I had some hoarder tendencies when it came to kid toys (Seriously, why was I keeping all those crappy Happy Meal toys?!). I'm hoping to get as much done now since I have;
*Diana's names day
*Our 8th wedding anniversary
*Diana starts school
*Diana's 6th birthday
*My big fat Greek wedding
*the holidays
*BABY!
all happening in the next couple of months. Shhhh, let's not think too much about it since it makes me freak out.

Tattoo watch- So far so good. I got a little nervous when I went through a "growth spurt" but everything is holding up so far.

My views on work- We will now have to change the meaning of "work" since I had to quit Macy's. My sciatica has gotten completely out of control. I have to sit down pretty much at all times to get things done. When I wake up my sciatica is already up and ready to terrorize. I have been stretching and I did get my totally kick ass cane for the really bad days so I'm working through it. So for now on when I say "work" I mean work around the house. My views on it? It's fun to seeing my house get ready for our new lives, slowly but surely (and I mean slowly, it takes me a whole week to reorganize and clean one room).

Fashion sense- Oh god, I don't even want to talk about it. It's all sweats and cleaning tops. I'm surprised the Hubby still shares a bed with me.....

What annoys me- My sciatica, plain and simple

Feed Rachel- Nachos with that fake cheese stuff. I know, I'm horrible. Don't worry, I still eat tons of salads, grains, etc. But when I indulge that's what I'm eating.

How the baby has f*cked me up lately- My hair! He changed the texture of my hair! I already cut most of it off and I think I'm going to have to go even shorter. It's like a brillo pad. WTF?!

Bonus- Retro Rachel! Dan sent me the pics from my last pregnancy so we can now compare how big I am now vs then.

Rachel 5 months circa 2004

If you follow me on Twitter you know that MTV and I have had a falling out. I originally started my war of words over their very poor treatment of our friend LivitLuvit. Long story short, she was a candidate for being their first TJ (Twitter Jockey) and their website listed her as the top scorer. But when they announced their Top 5...nothing. All of us that had voted for her and advertised for her were flabbergasted. After a long rant on Twitter MTV contacted me and tried to explain...without really explaining. When I closed my computer I still felt mad....but why?

Then I realized that I wasn't angry, I was disappointed. I was disappointed in the old friend that I had grown up with.

MTV and I are about the same age. As a kid "I wanted my MTV". Together we discovered Madonna, Hip Hop, Rap, and Pop. We learned what the hell Kurt Cobain was singing about and bought our angsty plaid together.
We learned about AIDS, that Bill Clinton preferred boxers and lots of sax, and how to Rock the Vote.
Then things changed.
While before we learned that Pedro Zamora had AIDS and how we can protect ourselves from the HIV virus, now MTV rewards young teenagers that had unprotected sex by putting them on TV.
While before we watched Ruth go to rehab for drinking too much in Hawaii, now MTV glamorizes drinking at the Jersey Shore and supplying the contestants they put on a desert island plenty of booze for the show "Real World vs. Road Rules."

What happened to my friend that wanted to change the world, the one that want to be a leader?
Now I won't answer their drunken calls at 3 AM and I shake my head with pity as I look at the pictures of them passed out on Facebook.





Oh yeah, and what the hell happened to the music videos?

If you want to see more videos dedicated to Erin then head over to the lovely Renee's to see her list!

So here we are at the 4 month mark. The belly is growing, boobs are REALLY growing, and of course the baby's growing. According to Dan we should be able to learn the sex of the baby this coming doc appointment, but I think we have to wait till next month....not that I don't want to find out this month. I would love having a boy, but if we have another girl it would be easier (and cheaper). As long as the baby is healthy I'm happy.

Tattoo watch- I started to rub coco butter lotion on it....then I realized that the smell of coco butter makes nauseous. Let's try the "fingers crossed" technique?

My views on work- I'm trying to get motivated but unfortunately my body is preventing me from reaching any of my goals....like actually being able to stay upright for 6-7 hours.

Fashion sense- I should just shave my head. When I wake up I pull my hair back, throw on a cloth headband, a tank top & a pair of Dan's shorts.
I've never felt less sexy in my whole life :(

What annoys me- People implying that I was FIBBING about my infertility. Yes, I was also fibbing when I cried into my pillow or when I would have to sprint past the maternity section in Target so that I didn't have a panic attack in public.

Feed Rachel- POTBELLY'S! If you want to work your way into my heart permanently (or stop me from erupting pregnancy rage on you) get me a Clubbie with a huge pickle and I am YOURS!

How the baby has f*cked me up lately- Oh god, my back. I had some back problems and sciatica pain with Diana, but that wasn't until I was much bigger. This little nut is already low and to the left, right where my bad sciatica is. I can barely function at work. I was planning on leaving soonish but if this keeps up I may not make it to the end of the month....

BONUS! What the hell is that?!- One day I was laying flat on my back in bed and I looked at my belly.
"Dan. Dan. Dan! DAN!"
"What?"
"What the hell is that?!"
"Whoa...."
After Dan poked it a few times I slapped his hand and ran to the bathroom. After peeing I came back and laid down. The bulge? Gone.
"Was I poking the baby....or your bladder?"
"I'm not sure.


Let's never poke it again."